At the supermarket I often see this type of situation: Mom, will you buy me that game? No, we already bought a game. Mom, please buy me that game?!? No. …crying, screaming, yelling… Ok, I'll buy it for you. Does this happen to you too? In order not to live through this terrible chaos, I indulge my son. I am permissive because I am undecided about what to do and how. My goal is to calm him down, to reassure him, but since I don't know how to do it, the only tool I have is to indulge him. If I do this, I am teaching my son to cry even more and louder, because every time he cries, complains, or throws a tantrum, he knows that mommy will indulge him. I have strengthened with my behavior the very thing I wanted to push away, the opposite of what I wanted to achieve. Your child needs parents who are determined, confident, not angry, not dictators, but firm in their decisions, who know how to give them the rules and who know how to keep them, because the rules set in a certain way (and we will see how), instill security and the child needs to feel safe. This is what happened to me. The other night my daughter was playing with a friend and they were arguing. The friend's mother and I had decided not to intervene, we were allowing the two girls to experience their process because we believe this is very useful. At a certain point the other girl violently took the toy they were fighting over and slammed it into my daughter's face, right here on her nose, which hurt quite a bit. It is clear that the girl was scared, she started crying and those scenes of chaos that we all know perfectly well began. What did the father of the girl who threw the toy at my daughter do? He picked her up and said: "what are you doing!" and pushed her away. Stop, nothing else. In your opinion, what did that little girl understand? Nothing, nothing at all, because she lacked the understanding of what she had done, that is, "I wanted that game", but she also lacked the leadership of a parent who in that case should have said: "Love, shall we apologize? What do you think?", without getting angry, without yelling, without stress, without chaos, in that moment (not after two days, after two weeks, after three years) when the children no longer even remember that the fight ever happened. If, on the other hand, I as a parent can treat you badly, lock you in a room, I can tell you: "I won't take you anymore, it's the last time you come to play", all this will be useless, because it only creates confusion and emotional chaos in the child. Children's communication is not a rational communication like that of us adults, but it is an emotional communication and that is where we can change things. By starting to work on that type of communication, we will speak the language of our children, the only way to make them listen to us. *********************************************************************** ​If you too want to identify and remove the most common behaviors that "create walls and barriers" with your child and learn to use the incredible power of emotions to be an authoritative guide (and an extraordinary parent)... ...discover EDUCARE FACILE The Video Course to learn how to manage your emotions, build a serene relationship in the family and realize your greatest dream: to help your child grow more autonomous, stronger and more self-confident. Click here: http://www.educarefacile.it/educare-f... =========================================================== YOUTUBE CHANNEL EDUCARE FACILE® SUBSCRIBE NOW TO OUR YOUTUBE CHANNEL, so you will always be updated on every new video published and you will always be the first to know all the news on the most up-to-date EDUCARE FACILE Strategies. SUBSCRIBE TO THE YOUTUBE CHANNEL: https://goo.gl/57ys6q ========================================================= EDUCARE FACILE® FAN PAGE Like the EDUCARE FACILE® Fan Page and stay up to date on all the news, conferences, articles and all the content for extraordinary parents like you! / educarefacile ============================================================== EDUCARE FACILE® FACEBOOK GROUP Subscribe to the EDUCARE FACILE® Facebook Group, the group of parents like you who have already decided to become leading parents! / educarefacile ====================================================== FOLLOW US ON THE EDUCARE FACILE® BLOG You will find all of Cristina Bari's articles with lots of free content to help you raise strong, happy and self-confident children. http://www.educarefacile.it ========================================================