BEING IGNORED Being strong in a world that makes us feel like we don't exist

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Psikolog Tulay Kok

Published on May 25, 2024
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We experience events in our daily lives that make us feel like we “don’t exist.” We don’t need someone to come up to us and say, “Who are you?” “You’re not my contact.” “I don’t take you seriously.” “I don’t care.” “I don’t value you.” “You don’t really exist.” to feel that way. For example, when you’re walking on the sidewalk on a rainy day and someone speeds past you with their car and doesn’t care at all about the water splashing on you, that’s exactly how you feel. You’re filled with anger. Not because you’re wet. But because you’re being ignored. In romantic relationships, if couples aren’t fighting, they don’t say to each other, “You’re not important to me,” “I don’t value you,” “Who are you?” (These words should not even be said during a fight, that's another story.) If your spouse, who knows that you can't sleep when the TV is turned up high, doesn't turn the volume down even though he knows you've gone to bed, and you have to get out of bed and go to the living room every time to tell him to "turn the volume down", and your spouse gives you answers like "I'm sorry, I got lost, I didn't notice", you feel like something is breaking in your heart. When your loved one doesn't get you the chocolate or doesn't remember what you liked, the issue isn't that you're sensitive and touchy. Especially if you get answers like "Is it the chocolate that's your problem? Are you obsessed with that now?", you may be filled with maddening anger or even resentment.

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