Telegram channel https://t.me/spokoystvietut Vkontakte group https://vk.com/club165243874 Zen https://dzen.ru/id/5dcba1161877c954d6... Rutube https://rutube.ru/channel/23967510/ CONTACTS Personal page Vkontakte vk.com/id421256246 I'm on Telegram @Anna_Vyrovaia email: [email protected] OTHER VIDEOS ON THE TOPIC: DEEP FEELING OF GUILT • Deep feeling of guilt. Self-flagellation... HOW TO GET RID OF GUILT • How to get rid of guilt, self-blame... TORMENTED BY GUILT IN FRONT OF PARENTS • Tormented by guilt in front of parents.... FEAR OF CONDEMNATION • How to get rid of the fear of condemnation and ... If you want to support the development of the channel Sberbank card 4276 5214 6891 5727 Donate https://fantalks.io/r/annav Tinkoff card 5536914128470980 IN THIS VIDEO: How to deal with shame? What to do with autoaggression? If shame is a background condition. I answer two similar questions from subscribers. 📍First question. Consequences for children of an autoaggressive mother. It's a shame to express your opinion, even if you're right. We all carry our mothers inside us. If mom was autoaggressive, then somewhere consciously, unconsciously, we do the same. Autoaggression is aggression towards oneself. This is the state of a victim. It is shameful and guilty for aggression in any form. Even for good aggression. They reject, do not accept aggression. A child cannot direct aggression towards an object, towards a parent, he directs it towards himself. Conflict is aggression. It was not accepted in the family to express discontent, disagreement, to say "no". It was necessary to endure. If mom directs aggression towards herself, then dad in such families often directs this aggression towards mom, children. Tyrant. Not always. Psychosomatics can be as a direction of aggression towards oneself. 🔑Unpack aggression. Work through shame and guilt. How to work with guilt I have several videos - I will leave the links in the description. How to unpack aggression? It is in the Inner Critic. He is hitting you harder than anyone else. It seems that I will remain silent now, will not express my point of view and will not be ashamed. Avoidance of shame. Hiding from the world as a defense against shame. But you can hide from the world, but you can not run away from yourself. And inside yourself, a large share of power is given to the Inner Critic. Working with the Inner Critic, we transform auto-aggression into constructive aggression. And at the same time, shame is worked through. Practice. Remember a situation from childhood when you were ashamed. ✅ How do you look at this situation now? ✅ Mentally return to this situation. Support yourself as a little one from the position of yourself in the present, your adult self. What could you say to yourself as a little one? Hug, do something to help. ✅ If you remembered a situation where someone shamed and blamed you as a little one, answer the offender in the same way, from the adult position of your real self. Remove him, tell him what you think about his behavior. *Performing the practice with an asterisk. Write 2 letters. You don’t need to send them anywhere. 1️⃣ A letter to yourself as a little one with such support. Write down what you did mentally to calm and comfort yourself in the past. 2️⃣ A letter to a parent, the one who shamed you, criticized you. Express all your feelings, anger, rage, sadness. This is not a one-time practice. You can work through each of your shameful situations in this way. If the practices are difficult to do, a difficult state arises, or if they are done for a long time, but there is no effect, then contact a specialist. 📍Second question. I feel shame all the time, even in situations where others are not ashamed. 🔹Acknowledge shame. I feel shame now. Don’t fight. Don’t run. It’s useless. 🔹See the Inner Critic behind this. I am not shame. I am not bad, as shame tells me. Only a part of me shames me - the Inner Critic. Not me, but a part of me - that's the boundary, separation from the Inner Critic and reduction of shame. 🔹Turn on your Best Friend. What could you say to your best friend who got into a similar situation? Would you shame him to finish him off even more? Unlikely. You would support him with some words. Say these words to yourself. Continued in the video.