Learn the 3 pillars of the couple in my free webinar “Happy Couple” and you will be able to turbocharge your relationship by putting an end to the constant arguments. Sign up for free here at the link: http://bit.ly/2Z0VeHu End of a love: the thought alone is a real nightmare for many. So how can you prevent the end of a relationship? There are 5 psychological tools that I have collected in this video that are useful for preventing a crisis within a couple's relationship and therefore its end: 1) Outline a map of your partner's thoughts, ideas, hopes, fears, values ​​2) Show admiration for him/her 3) Learn to listen to your partner 4) Consider yourself more of a cause 5) Don't give too much space to problems USEFUL LINKS: To see my TED on how to change others, click here: http://bit.ly/2vuRDSk If you want to know more about this topic, you can buy Gottman's book here: http://amzn.to/2wQqngH #couplecrisis #endoflove #psychology --- "Dear friends, today we are talking about romantic relationships, Barbara is asking us a question about preventing the end of a relationship. Dear Luca, is there a way to prevent the end of a romantic relationship? I realize that time and routine often end up wearing out stories with good potential, are there elements to pay attention to in your opinion? Barbara. Hi Barbara, very interesting question! I have several things to say about it, let's get straight to the first one: 1) The love map. It's like a road map of your partner's psychological world. Do you know your partner's desires? What they like and don't like, their fears, tensions, needs, values. To create a love map that is as detailed as possible, you need to talk, ask questions, listen. If this "task" is done well in a couple, it happens that when he drinks coffee, she serves it to him already bringing the brown sugar, because she already knows what his habits are; if she works late, he records her favorite show for her because he knows she would like it. Few people have a detailed love map. Because couples don't spend time together to do this. A study has shown that couples with children talk about 35 minutes a week, and often only for logistical reasons. Let's learn to make time to talk and get to know each other deeply. 2) Show admiration. The most long-lasting couples are those in which one sees the other as better than they are. Pause this video and write 5 lines where you talk about your romantic relationship. Then reread and ask yourself what kind of relationship you are talking about. Or: what kind of story does your partner tell when asked about your relationship? Does he minimize the negatives and celebrate the positives? Does he make the other person a great person or does he focus on what is wrong? This is a powerful predictor of how good a relationship is. 3) Listen. This is a very simple rule on paper, but how many people actually listen? Take the example of a woman who one night goes out with a very intelligent guy, who talks all night about fantastic and super interesting things. At the end of the night she will go home and say: I went out with a truly special, interesting and intelligent person. Now the next night the same woman goes out with a guy who makes her talk and listens spellbound. She will go home and say "I went out with a guy who made me feel truly special". Who do you think this woman will want to go out with on the third night? Learn to listen to the other. 4) Less “YOU” and more “ME”. This is not meant to be an invitation to narcissism, but to consider yourself the cause. What does “consider yourself the cause” mean? I gave an entire TED talk on this topic and if you are not familiar with the concept you should definitely go and watch it. One of the ways to translate it in a practical and concrete way in the context of a couple is this: try to start all sentences not with the word “YOU” but with the word “ME”. This helps you take responsibility and not make the other person feel accused, curbing criticism, contempt and obstructionism towards the other. 5) Don't give too much space to problems. Sometimes the best thing to do at the beginning of a discussion is to end it immediately. Why? Some research shows that 69% of problems in couples are perpetual: they will not be resolved! So asking someone to radically change who they are doesn't work, but only makes them angrier. In one study, Bob Levenson brought couples into the lab every 2 years to find out what they were arguing about. These couples were followed for 22 years, and what you could see was that 31% of their disagreements were resolved, but otherwise they seemed to have remained where they started. To prevent the end of a relationship we have to accept what doesn’t change and focus on the good things that are there.”