00:49 Balance is different for everyone 04:18 Overcoming the dilemma! ? Today I will talk about "being alone is easy vs. being alone is lonely". In clinical practice, there are many people who say, "I don't like being with people. It's hard." There are many people who say that being alone is easy because it's bothersome. On the other hand, there are also people who feel lonely being alone and have become depressed because they are always alone. It's like "home depression". There are quite a few people who become depressed because they work from home. ■We often talk about which balance is better for each person, but the conclusion is not one or the other. Balance is important. However, that balance is different for each person. For example, if you are in a deserted island where you never meet anyone, you will go crazy and become strange. However, if you are surrounded by a lot of people and are constantly being watched, or if you feel like you are locked in a cage at the zoo, that is also painful. You will continue to feel stressed. It is painful if you have no place to hide. Even if you live in a dormitory, it is difficult if there is no place to be alone for a while. So it depends on each person. It's tough if you're at either extreme, but some people, like the 30-60s I wrote, don't need to have their own room, and enjoy living in a shared house or in a group. Some people are okay with being alone sometimes, but basically want to be at home with someone, and want to spend time with someone when they're at home. On the other hand, there are people who prefer to be a little more lonely, want their own room and are okay with working alone at home, but want to talk to a friend or someone about once a week, and go to the outpatient clinic once a month to talk to someone. It's not good to be completely alone, and it's not good to be with someone all the time, and there's a balance between the two, and the ratio varies quite a bit from person to person. Some people like organizations, others like being self-employed, and preferences are completely different. In the case of psychiatry, there are many people who like being alone overall. There are many people who like to spend time alone more than the general public, and many people who like to spend time relaxing alone rather than interacting with others too much. Many of our patients receive welfare, and they have difficulty working or doing things together with others. They may have a natural dislike for people, or they may have difficulty living with other people. We call them social anxiety disorder or avoidant personality disorder. But even these people say, "I'm not feeling well," and we tell them, "If you only go out once a month and don't see anyone, you're not feeling well, aren't you? You have too little interaction with people, so we talk about whether you should try attending day care, increasing the frequency of hospital visits, or hiring a visiting nurse. It's tough to have absolutely no interaction, but it's also tough to have too much. ■ Overcoming a dilemma! ? The point of this story is that there is a dilemma. The discomfort of being with people, being hurt by people saying unpleasant things to you, or being exhausted by being overly considerate. The more you spend time with people, the more trouble you're bound to have. I understand the feeling of not wanting to do that and wanting to run away, but on the other hand, being alone is lonely. It's lonely and anxious. Being alone is anxious. If you are alone, you cannot solve the problem, if something happens. It is difficult to solve the problem, so humans cannot survive without the cooperation of others. You cannot survive on a completely deserted island, although it may be good if the island is rich and bananas grow endlessly. Even so, it seems that the nutritional balance will be poor. After all, humans cannot earn a living unless they cooperate with each other, and this is the same in modern times. It is said that humans originally evolved from monkeys, and monkeys are creatures that live in groups, so they become anxious when they are not in a group. As an animal instinct, we need to be together to a certain extent, and as an animal instinct, we feel relieved when we talk to someone about things that make us anxious or troubled. Sharing the fact that we have such a problem relieves anxiety. The reason why this is the case is not logical, but animalistic. What we think about clinically is that when we say that we like being alone, the good thing about being alone is freedom and lightness. However, there is a question of whether we are enjoying this freedom and lightness. It would be good if they liked that kind of thing, but maybe they don't enjoy it. This person says that being alone is easy, but maybe they don't enjoy it. The discomfort of being with people is so great that they often choose to be alone and feel lonely. It's not that if you're lonely, you should date someone, be with someone, or make friends, but rather, what is common in psychiatry is to treat the discomfort and hurt of being with people. We think about how to think about the discomfort and hurt of being with people, and how to reduce the discomfort and hurtful experiences of being with people. Rather than being troubled by what is happening in front of them, or the troubles in their relationships that are happening in front of them, patients may be trapped by past experiences of abuse, trauma, bullying, and power harassment, and are unable to enjoy their current relationships, and may underestimate their current relationships and see them as victims. In the first place, there is something like a developmental disorder, and they are not good at communication and tend to be shy. If your communication skills are not good at communication, which is leading to more troubles and failures, then communication training is necessary. There are times when you have a strong "should" mindset, a compulsive feeling that you have to be a certain way, perfectionism, you have to be a certain way, so you can't enjoy socializing, and you are trapped in the idea that you have to be a certain way when you are with people, so you are desperately trying to meet that quota and become exhausted, and there are also times when you have a strong "should" mindset towards others. It is painful to think that you should do this to others, that you should be kind, and that it is terrible if the other person does not do it this way. You cannot think flexibly, and your tolerance range for yourself and others is narrow, so it is fine to just do it casually. It is easy if the other person is okay to be casual, and in return you are casual and forgive them. It couldn't be easier, so you should aim for such relationships, but if you are not able to do that, it is painful. Another thing is being "weak". If you are a weak person who is always a loser, who is taken advantage of, who is hurt by, who has feelings of inferiority stimulated, and who finds it uncomfortable and painful to be with others, I think it is important to think about how to deal with this and how to acknowledge your weaknesses. Whether being alone is easy or lonely, I also tend to like being alone, but it is free and light. But behind that, there are new discoveries and new encounters, so it is fun. You can't do that if you are not light. It is because of these things that you can enjoy being alone, but if you are not, and you are choosing to be alone passively without enjoying the joy of being alone, it is a waste of your one and only life, so I hope we can treat and solve these problems together. There are other videos about abuse, trauma, communication in developmental disorders, and should-thinking, so please refer to them if you like. Hints on how to solve the problem are discussed in the video. This time, I explained about being alone is easy vs. being lonely. ------------- Momotetsu is a friendship-destroying game, in reality? • Momotetsu is a friendship-destroying game, in reality? #Human Relationships / How to change... ------------- "What is Ch, where psychiatrists explain mental illnesses?" A wide range of explanations on psychiatric treatment in an easy-to-understand manner for the general public. The use of psychoanalytic and philosophical terms in the video is entirely Masuda's own, and may differ from general (professional) definitions. I just chose the words that I happened to find easiest to explain, so I hope you won't take it too academically. Director of Waseda Mental Clinic Masuda Yusuke "Self-introduction" Masuda Yusuke graduated from the National Defense Medical College. After working in the Japan Ground Self-Defense Forces, the National Defense Medical College Hospital, and the Kunpu-kai Yamada Hospital, he opened his own practice in Tokyo in 2018. His specialty is work-related depression and adult developmental disorders. However, he is a bit of an eccentric local doctor who "sees everything." His hobbies are Shonen Jump and comedy. He would like to go camping and skiing. He has been sober since June 5, 2020. [Reference] Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare Everyone's Mental Health https://www.mhlw.go.jp/kokoro/ Kaplan Clinical Psychiatry Textbook 3rd Edition Ethical Code https://note.com/mentalyoutubers/n/nb... [About comments] ・Comments are approved ・Masuda reads the comments, but he is busy and cannot answer questions. Thank you for your understanding. ・Comments that may hurt yourself or others (later) will not be approved ・Replying to others is also prohibited in principle. Some empathetic comments and comments that are helpful to others are allowed. Since we make decisions in a short time, there may be some that make you think, "Why is this not okay?", but that is often our mistake. Please understand. [Interview response. For people from TV, magazines, and web media] Please feel free to contact us. 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